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Bullying guide

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What is bullying?

Bullying is a repeated action that’s meant to harm another person or group. It can be physical, mental, or emotional.

Imagine this...

You know the vibes of a regular soccer training day: Everyone’s pumped, laced up, and ready for some action. But Chris, who’s usually the first one doing drills and taking shots, is hanging back. Every time they try joining a group, there’s weird laughter or the chat goes silent.

During a scrimmage, Chris hesitates. They’re not passing and their skills are suffering. Whenever Chris makes a small mistake, a few players roll their eyes. The whole “We got your back” team vibe? It feels off around Chris.

Those hushed whispers, weird silences, and excluding behaviors?

That’s bullying.

By recognizing signs of bullying — and addressing them head-on — you help every player feel valued, supported, and confident in their place within the team.

How do I know if it’s bullying?

Ask yourself these questions:

• Does the victim have less power? A bully uses their strength, size, age, skill, or other factors to harm those with less power.
• Was it on purpose? The bully wants to hurt the victim — it’s not an accident.
• Did it (or could it) happen more than once? Bullying generally isn’t a one-time thing.

What are signs that someone is being bullied?

• They no longer have interest in playing the sport.
• They complain of unexplained aches or pains.
• They have little interest in being social with their teammates.
• There are unusual changes in their behavior.

What does bullying look like on the field?

• Ganging up on a teammate
• Harassing a teammate because of a mistake
• Hazing or forcing players to prove they “belong”
• Threatening teammates about doing well on the field
• Targeting teammates who don’t do as well

What does bullying look like off the field?

• Making mean jokes or comments
• Mocking or humiliating someone
• Shoving, hitting, or kicking
• Making sexual comments or spreading rumors
• Talking about a friend or teammate behind their back
• Leaving someone out of conversations, events, chats, etc.
• Using social media or tech to bully someone

Why do teens bully?

• Jealousy
• Desire to have control over others
• Low self-esteem (not feeling good about themselves)
• Trouble coping with emotions, including anger
• Impulsivity
• Trying to get attention or be liked by others

How can I counteract bullying?

• Have a no-bullying policy and make it clear from the start.
• Clearly state the consequences of bullying.
• Outline the behavior you expect. Discuss how assertive behavior is different from bullying.
• Encourage players to come to you with concerns.
• When players do come to you, listen and take action.
• Encourage players to be an “upstander” by not giving bullies an audience and by stepping in when they feel safe to do so.
• Share the players’ guide: Bullying: A guide for players.

How can I tell if a coaching approach may be harmful?

Ask yourself these questions:

• Is it creating more of a power imbalance?
• Is it using unwanted, aggressive behavior?
• Is it setting unrealistic goals for the players?
• Does it come across as threatening?

How can I create a safe space on the field?

• Give feedback in private, especially if it’s corrective.
• Learn how each player prefers to receive praise. Not everyone likes public recognition.
• Be stern and direct, but constructive.
• Be clear about expectations and about strategies to achieve those expectations.
• Allow open communication between you and your athletes.
• Validate their feelings and use active listening.

Where can I go for mental health care?

Talking to a therapist or counselor gives you a safe, judgment-free space to open up and get help building coping skills, setting boundaries, boosting self-esteem and much more. Here are some ways you might be able to find support.

• Talk to a school counselor or psychologist.
• Call your health plan to find in-network or virtual providers and programs.
• Ask your doctor or your child’s pediatrician for a referral.
• Check with your employee assistance program (EAP) for free short-term counseling.
• Look into local clinics, universities, community health centers and nonprofits for low-cost care.

What if someone is in crisis?

If you think someone may hurt themselves or someone else, get help right away. These resources are free and confidential.

• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741.
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988.
• The Trevor Project  — LGBTQ Lifeline: Call 1-866-488-7386 or text START to 678678.