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Bullying guide

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What is bullying?

Bullying is a repeated action that’s meant to harm another person or group. It can be physical, mental, or emotional.

Imagine this...

You notice your child seems more and more reluctant to attend practices. At post-match snacks, they sit apart from the group. Maybe other players roll their eyes if your teen makes a mistake. These don’t seem like random incidents.

That lack of excitement and connection?

This might be the result of bullying.

The good news is, just like there are strategies for preparing for a big match, there are ways to help your young athlete deal with bullying.

How do I know if it’s bullying?

Ask yourself these questions:

• Does the victim have less power? A bully uses their strength, size, age, skill, or other factors to harm those with less power.
• Was it on purpose? The bully wants to hurt the victim — it’s not an accident.
• Did it (or could it) happen more than once? Bullying generally isn’t a one-time thing.

What signs may mean my child is facing a bully?

• Loss of interest in playing the sport
• Unexplained aches, pains, or bruises
• Lost or broken personal items
• Loss of interest in being social with their teammates
• Frequent sadness, irritability, or anxiety

What does bullying look like on the field?

• Ganging up on a teammate
• Harassing a teammate because of a mistake
• Hazing or forcing players to prove they “belong”
• Threatening teammates about doing well on the field
• Targeting teammates who don’t do as well

What does bullying look like off the field?

• Making mean jokes or comments
• Mocking or humiliating someone
• Shoving, hitting, or kicking
• Making sexual comments or spreading rumors
• Talking about a friend or teammate behind their back
• Leaving someone out of conversations, events, chats, etc.
• Using social media or tech to bully someone

Why do teens bully?

• Jealousy
• Desire to have control over others
• Low self-esteem (not feeling good about themselves)
• Trouble coping with emotions, including anger
• Impulsivity
• Trying to get attention or be liked by others

How can I help my teen talk about bullying?

Ask your teen these questions:

• Do you like being on the team, and why?
• Who are your best friends on the team, and why are they your best friends?
• Have you ever seen bullying happen on your team?
• Have you ever been bullied?

How can I help my teen deal with bullying?

• Encourage them to build bonds with supportive friends.
• Discuss what bullying looks like and let them know they should tell you about it.
• If they come to you about bullying, show empathy and take it seriously.
• Teach them neutral responses such as, “That’s not OK.”
• Encourage them to walk away rather than fight back.
• Talk about how to be an “upstander” and not give bullying an audience.
• Share the players’ guide: Bullying: A guide for players.
• Talk with your teen about online behavior, and monitor digital use.
• Help them block and report online bullying.
• Problem-solve with them on how to stop the bullying, but step in if needed.
• If bullying happens at practice, discuss it with the coach.
• If bullying doesn’t stop, consider involving school officials or counselors.
• If bullying continues and starts to affect your teen’s well-being significantly, it may be time to consult with a mental health professional or another trusted authority.

What if my child may be bullying others?

• Address their behavior.
• Avoid shaming. Be objective about past behavior to improve future behavior.
• Don’t excuse their bullying behavior, but ask questions about the “why.”
• Discuss how bullying affects the victims. Encourage empathy.
• Help your child develop new coping skills.
• Encourage them to hang out with a different group of friends, if needed.
• Seek help from others such as a coach, teacher, or other trusted adult.

Where can I go for mental health care?

Talking to a therapist or counselor gives you a safe, judgment-free space to open up and get help building coping skills, setting boundaries, boosting self-esteem and much more. Here are some ways you might be able to find support.

• Talk to a school counselor or psychologist.
• Call your health plan to find in-network or virtual providers and programs.
• Ask your doctor or your child’s pediatrician for a referral.
• Check with your employee assistance program (EAP) for free short-term counseling.
• Look into local clinics, universities, community health centers and nonprofits for low-cost care.

What if my child is in crisis?

If you think someone may hurt themselves or someone else, get help right away. These resources are free and confidential.

• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741.
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988.
• The Trevor Project — LGBTQ Lifeline: Call 1-866-488-7386 or text START to 678678.